We've all heard it - you know, the one about where a tired, frustrated mom says to you, "If you really want children, you can have mine".
A dear infertile friend of mine was told this by a family member who said to her, "I wish I was
broken like you - then I wouldn't have to worry about my kids anymore". On her behalf, I'd like to offer my own perspective on what the word "broken" really means:
- Broken is an international system that holds children in orphanages longer than necessary for a myriad of reasons, not the least of which are politically motivated.
- Broken is a U.S. system that makes it incredibly hard to adopt domestically without miles of red tape and a court system quick to side with the functioning uterus.
- Broken is an agency who calls to see how we're doing during the wait, yet can offer not one shred of accurate information as to when we might receive a referral.
- Broken are the eyes of my fellow adoptive friends who right now are getting a whole lot of waiting they didn't bargain for and not a whole lot of baby.
- Broken are our sense of faith, our sense of time, and our trust as we try to wrap our heads around waiting at least another 2.5 years to adopt on top of the 5 years we've already spent trying to have a child.
So to that tired mom who so hurt my friend with her offhand banter, I ask you to rethink your position. Be grateful for the children you have, be gracious, and offer to lend some support rather than caustic commentary. With a little effort most things that are broken can be fixed, and right now, there's a whole lotta cracks to be mended.