I Will Never Be Chinese
We went to see a foreign film last weekend called "Eve & the Fire Horse", written and directed by a Canadian Chinese filmmaker. I am an independent film buff, and although I am currently biased towards Chinese films, this is one of the better movies I've seen in a while. If it's not currently playing in your area, I believe it's coming out on DVD in July. The film chronicles a little girl's struggle to hold on to the time honored Eastern beliefs of her family while trying to fit in with her Catholic classmates. The movie offers a fascinating glimpse into the depth and beauty of Chinese traditions and superstitions passed down from generation to generation.However, as I watched the film, I was freshly struck by the obvious - I will never be Chinese. Immersed in a crowd of mostly white movie-goers, I looked around me and wondered if my daughter will miss being Chinese, too. No matter how much research I put into it, I simply don't have the cultural background needed to truly help my daughter realize her Chinese heritage. Yes, I can teach her about festivals, dance rituals, and the beauty of Chinese music, but I can't ever really convey what it means to "be" Chinese.
I have read many stories of resentful adoptees feeling isolated and disconnected from their homelands as they reach adulthood. In a Q&A session after the movie, the director spoke of the disdain she felt from other Asians growing up, scorned because she didn't speak a Chinese language. How in the world will our daughter figure out who she really is when we are so Caucasian? People say adoption saves a child in need from an uncertain life of hardship and sorrow. Lately, a tiny voice in the back of my mind has been answering back "what if we're only causing more"?
posted by tocspaw at 6:13 PM
3 Comments:
Heather, you make an excellent point and one that I think about often. As much as we read about Chinese culture and share that knowledge with our daughters, it may not be good enough. I'm thinking as they enter adulthood they may feel as if something is missing and it's sad to think that we may not be able to give that missing something to them.
I know that we will do the very best we can for our daughters and I hope that's enough for them to develop a strong sense of self and positive self esteem.
Donna :)
I hope that she will know how much we have tried to give her all the tools we can to tell her about her country, the culture etc. I believe if we are honest with them and tell them we will never understand exactly what life is like for her she will respect that and love us all the more.
Lisa
Interesting post. I do wonder about this myself. I can't say that any angst that our girls will feel will be "more harm" than the harm of growing up in an orphange, but I do certainly think they will go through emotions about their cultural loss.
We will just try to give Claire as many opportunities as possible to learn about Chinese culture, and try to be open and honest with her. I'd really love to have Chinese families in our lives as well.
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