Threads and Plastic
So, last weekend I went shopping with several other waiting mommas. Laura, Donna, and Nancy (with her precious daughter Lily), and I braved the Saturday craziness of our local outlet mall in search of baby bargains. To give you an idea of our shopping prowess, we spent several hours at the mall, and only made it through about six stores.
Embroidered sweaters, ribboned tank tops and ruffled bloomers hanging from tiny hangers beckoned to me invitingly. Shiny plastic toys gleamed on shelves with the promise of future laughter. Yet somehow, surrounded by an excess of adorable options, I find myself emotionally unable to buy...anything.
This month will mark a year since we started the adoption process in earnest, and five years since we started try to have a child. Sadly, with the current lengthening wait for a referral, all signs point to at least two more years to go. I can't buy jumpers and sleepers and hair barrettes when it feels like this may never happen. I want to - oh how I want to believe and pretend and have faith that in the end this will all be a distant memory as I hold my Chinese daughter in my arms. But for now, as I struggle with the concept of "someday", those tangible markers of a distant dream are better left to someone who needs them a little sooner than I will.
Embroidered sweaters, ribboned tank tops and ruffled bloomers hanging from tiny hangers beckoned to me invitingly. Shiny plastic toys gleamed on shelves with the promise of future laughter. Yet somehow, surrounded by an excess of adorable options, I find myself emotionally unable to buy...anything.
This month will mark a year since we started the adoption process in earnest, and five years since we started try to have a child. Sadly, with the current lengthening wait for a referral, all signs point to at least two more years to go. I can't buy jumpers and sleepers and hair barrettes when it feels like this may never happen. I want to - oh how I want to believe and pretend and have faith that in the end this will all be a distant memory as I hold my Chinese daughter in my arms. But for now, as I struggle with the concept of "someday", those tangible markers of a distant dream are better left to someone who needs them a little sooner than I will.
posted by tocspaw at 8:29 AM
4 Comments:
What a beautiful blog..Im sure you had fun with your friends..I am not logged in YET but soon will be ! Lets pray for quicker referrals
Oh how I love the shopping and longing for anything little...I am with you in the sense that I feel it is too far away, and maybe not quite so real to be consciously shopping. However, I am guilty of the occasional 2T-3T of something really cute every now and then that I justify by thinking "I'll never find that again:)"
So glad to hear the improvements with your home.
Hanging in there too!
Nicole in Tampa
LID 9/11/06
I hear ya Heather - I've tried not to buy anything either and gave in at TJMax last month on a great "deal". I'm still holding out hope that there's going to be a speed up but the realist in me tells me stop buying and wait - then I look at the calendar and say wow we are lid 5 months - so my feelings are all over the place - Hope all is well with your home renovation.
Been there, done that...There are so many cute things out there but I don't feel "ready" yet to begin any real shopping. Hang in there, your in good company ;o)
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