This whole adoption thing gets me down some times. It's a lot of hurrying up to wait, of feeling like it will never happen, of continually having to renew your faith that it will even in the worst of circumstances.
Over the past five years, a near death experience, weeks and weeks of hospitalization, loss after loss, and lingering complications from infertility treatment have left me medically and emotionally....well.....fragile seems appropriate. It's only been in the last couple of years that I've found the strength to move forward with adoption with my whole heart.
But, as much as I've struggled, I know that there are women out there who've been through more than me in their quest to have children. And a few days ago, one of them told me that she's decided to adopt. And in fact, had decided some months ago, but was keeping the news to herself until she got a referral and felt confident that her adoption was really going to happen. I can totally relate to the fact that she's faced too many heartaches and setbacks to just believe blindly.
For each and every one of us facing adoption, hope starts to trickle in from the moment we first send in our applications. We fall in love with things most people can't understand - a promise of parenthood, a face in a photo, the idea of belonging - to the child, to the adoption community, to our child's culture, and we finally start to become whole again.
So, to L* today, if you are reading my blog, know that your time has finally come. You'll not forget, but you will heal. And the the hope gained through adoption will pave the way. Lastly, thank you for refilling my well of faith that you didn't know had run dry. Funny how adoption brings with it a renewable supply.