Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Tomorrow Rearranges All Of Today's Expectations

When I started this blog, I had dreams of parenthood that stretched out as far as the miles that separated us from our daughter in China. A year went by, then two, and on it went as we waited to become parents through international adoption. Tired of the endless wait, we decided to apply for domestic adoption in 2009 but domestic opportunities seemed few and competition for those situations seemed high. Over time, the weariness borne from anxious waiting chipped away at our resolve, leaving in its wake anger and sadness instead of hopeful expectation. In recent months, our conversations had turned from speculation over how long we might have to wait for a referral to whether we even still wanted to be waiting.

And then, in a matter of hours, everything changed. In mid July, we got "the call" at 6:00 p.m. that our son was born, and that we needed to be in another state to pick him up by noon the very next day. We had nothing - no nursery, no plane tickets, not a diaper in sight and most importantly, no clue that morning when we woke up that we would go to bed that night as parents.

We had nothing, yet in under 24 hours, we would have - everything.

Someone asked me the other day - so, was it all worth it? I expected to be able to say without hesitation - yes. But what came to mind instead was the years of hurt, the surgeries, the shots, the tests, the worry, the paperwork, the grind, just everything that this journey has brought. I look at our son and I value him as a only a parent can value a child. But, it saddens me that the joy is tinged with the fact that infertility changed me in ways I am both thankful and resentful to the core for. So, I guess I answer the question of "worth" like this...

All of the persistence, all of the heartache, all of the tears and yes, all of the money, were paid for one thing. Hands down - it's not a baby. All of those things, the greatest debt we've ever known, were paid for something far, far more simple - they were paid for the chance to be normal - to just throw out all the crap that stands in the way and be like anyone else who ever wanted to parent a child. Should that chance have cost that much? That's debatable. What isn't debatable is that "worth" and a child should never be used in the same sentence.

We're now the parents of an amazing little boy. To us, that is simply priceless.


Blogger Shelby said...

Congratulations!!! I am so glad you finally got your chance. Enjoy every minute! They grow up so fast.

10:11 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Wow! Congratulations! That is wonderful. I hear you on the other stuff. As we prepare to pull our paperwork from China and embark on our lives "child free"(I hate that term), I wonder if the anger and sadness will ever fade away or if it is something we will carry with us to our graves. I guess only time will tell.

3:53 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

That is so amazing!

I have thought about you and wondered but knew it would be a difficult question to ask.

Being Mom & Dad is a beautiful thing and I am so gosh darned happy for you and your hubby!

Please feel free to send photos to my home email at shinz3 at cox dot net

5:26 PM  
Blogger Daniella said...

Congratulations!!! I was so very happy to see your post. All the best / Daniella

1:38 PM  
Blogger Donna said...

Joe and I are so thrilled that you finally get to experience parenthood. Your road was SO long and filled with so many tears, it just doesn't seem fair. No one should have to endure all that for the pleasure of becoming parents, when it seems to come so simple to so many.

Your baby boy is just amazing and a perfect fit for your family. We are so glad that your wait is finally over!

6:59 PM  
Blogger C+SK said...

HOW WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sooo sooo happy for you all!!!!! :-)

11:00 AM  
Blogger Scott and Kim said...

We are so happy for you all! What a beautiful family you have. Not sure how this happens, but as time passes, you will grow more and more in love with your little one. Just wait... in 3 blinks he will be 2 yrs, it will really go fast.

2:36 PM  
Blogger Heidi said...

I haven't checked your blog in ages, but then saw the link on my page and clicked. Such great news! I would love to hear how you're doing and see pictures! Congratulations. (And I don't think the hurt ever goes away, but it does fade. And I do think it gives us a special sensitivity that helps us in our parenting.)

6:55 PM  
Blogger Kelly and Matt said...

Hi Heather,
Just checked your blog and saw your post. Sorry for the tardiness but CONGRATULATIONS! Wishing you all the best ;o)

7:12 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I have thought about you often! How are things with your 2.5 year old boy!

I swear my 10.5 yo boy was 2.5 for about 4 years but a sweet boy.

Hope you are still well!

8:11 AM  

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