Thursday, January 21, 2010


It has been a long time since I posted. There's not been much to post about. Life, outside of adoption, continues. I've tried to tune adoption out, but it's everywhere. I see it when I look at my friends. I see it when I go to the mall. I hear about it from the many newsgroups I belong to. And now, as the U.S. prepares to allow certain Haitian earthquake refugees into the country for the purposes of adoption, it's even more prominent.

Today I stumbled across the blog of a very angry adult Korean adoptee. She is upset at what she calls "adoption vultures" hovering around the rubble of Haiti before the dust has even settled. She's furious that black children are being adopted by white parents. She perceives that white privilege has reared its head in this, the most tragic of situations. I read her blog post with mixed emotions. She's partly right - in usual fashion, the U.S. has stepped in to be a "savior", where perhaps a lighter handed approach might have sufficed. Nonetheless, her post pissed me off, and now, we're both angry. I posted a comment to her blog, which she'll likely never publish. So I'm publishing it here.

"First off, let me be clear. I’m white. I’m not rich, I’m just white. I understand that no matter how much money I have or don’t have, my race makes me privileged. I don’t get to choose that part any more than you get to chose your racial heritage. I am adopting. It’s very possible I’ll be a parent to a child of another race. I don’t think I have a better home than a same-race parent. What I do think is that my home is better than no home at all. I KNOW that I will never understand what it’s like to be a non-white. I KNOW. It’s not my place to judge your anger. As a potential transracial parent, it’s my job to understand your anger. It’s my job to help a child find the resources they will likely need to deal with their anger at being adopted, transracially or not. That said, how you feel is a choice. How you choose to react to a given situation is up to you. How sad to read that you’ve judged me, when you don’t really know what my motivations are. I’m not evil because I’m a white person who wants to be an adoptive parent. I’m not naive. I’m not elitist. I’m not entitled. I do have a heart. And a home. And the means to parent a child who needs both. And I won’t apologize for that."

I'm fired up.


Blogger Sarah said...

I am so glad you posted! I have been thinking of you.

You are a wonderful family...white or not! Best of lucky!

8:14 PM  
Blogger Daniella said...

Hey there - was happy to see your blog lit up on my bloglines but sorry your upset. Great post, very very accurate! Think of all my october buds often. I have not been blogging much since we ended our adoption. Hoping to start blogging again. Still follow all my friends who started the journey with me although my path has changed. Heading over to the blog you linked now.

8:48 PM  
Blogger Kelly and Matt said...

Well said Heather!I hope your doing well. We are hanging in there but the "wait" has become the proverbial the albatross around our necks.

From reading the linked post and taking a quick glance at some of her other posts it seems like this woman has some fairly serious issues which appear to center on her adoption by a caucasian family whom she "did not love." While I believe she has the right to vent I think it's ludicrous that she has passed judgement on all adoptive parents based on her personal situation.

11:39 AM  
Blogger Scott and Kim said...

Hi Heather,
I have not seen you in a LONG time. I hope all is well. Very good post, I can understand why you are fired up. I did not check to see if she posted your response. If not... she has quite an agenda and, unfortunately, probably an audience to go along.
Take care,

2:51 PM  

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