Tuesday, November 14, 2006


There are days that I manage to stay away from it. And then there are days when it draws me in like bees swarming around a watermelon at a summer picnic - sweet, forbidden, and a little bit menacing.

I'm talking about Rumor Queen's website. She posts rumors about what's happening at the CCAA, the wait, referral cutoff dates, etc. Some of it's hogwash (as is the nature of all rumors - only some of them have merit).

Today, however, it's all true. Please take a moment to read her post on attaching in adoption. As much as we don't like to talk about it, that precious moment when we meet our children for the first time is terrifying to them beyond belief. Even though you've been dreaming of and waiting for your child for years before you see their face for the first time, you've had those years to get used to the idea of them. Your child, on the other hand, has the reality of you forced upon them in a incomprehensible instant, and sees you as, at best, a benevolent complete stranger, and at worst, a tyrant ripping them away from everything they've ever known.

We have a responsibility to these children we transport halfway across the world as our own. It's not their job to live up to our expectations of what they should be like in each of our personal versions of happily ever after. Instead, it's our job to educate ourselves about the losses they've been through, and will continue to go through as they grow older, so that we can offer solace and safety in a loving environment, knowing that we won't ever be able to fully negate their rough beginnings.

Please read about attachment before you travel to meet your child. Be prepared to meet the child they already are, as opposed to the child you thought they'd be. Attachment takes time, dedication, and more than a fair amount of patience. Although a beautiful start, love alone is not enough.